There are many things happening in our society that are evolving much faster than we can regulate or cope with them. And the Internet is a good example. I don’t think there’s any serious person on the planet that actually approves of the unlimited access to pornography one can currently get on the internet. And this is an example of the moral immaturity of our society that we haven’t managed to resolve the censorship versus freedom of expression argument, and formulate exactly what is acceptable on the internet and what is not, what should be age restricted and what should not be.

Unlimited access to pornography has clearly been an error. It’s exposed billions of men, women and children to pornography, who never would have seen it. And I’m quite certain that there are entire generations of young people who believe that the natural end to sex is not c_____g – having an orgasm – inside the vagina, but on the face of a woman (just in case you don’t know, this is how 95% of porn films end.)

The thing is, pornography isn’t bad per se; its unlimited access __ that’s the problem. You see, as red-blooded animals, each and every one of us possesses a sex drive, and as is shown in urban myths (men thinking about sex every six seconds,) our sex drive is on standby pretty much all the time. As most of us work with computers or relax with computers for many hours a day this means we are all just a mouse click away from unlimited access to P. The result is that invariably, during one of the moments every six seconds a man thinks about sex, his finger will inevitably wander over to the keyboard and he will enter something like… ‘sex’… into Google.

In my opinion, a man or woman’s sex drive being activated when the individual intended to do something completely different, and that is as easy as clicking a mouse, is, in legal terms, undue influence. It would be like situating a bar inside a hospital for recovering alcoholics. While the person on the computer may enjoy himself immensely with a good old fashioned hand shandy, when the deed is done – and he’s just missed the possibility of writing a report or reading an interesting article on quantum physics because he spent half-an-hour masturbating, he has in a sense, been robbed.

Of course, there are various people who will argue that it is his fault because he lacked self-control. However, we have to give up this naive notion that people can control themselves – or the Darwinist nation that if they can’t, it’s tough shit. A far better system is just to remove the temptation that exploits people’s weakness. Given that the very nature of the society we live in endlessly encourages people to give in to their immediate desire, we can’t expect people to start exercising Victorian self control.

And surely it was a much better system in the old days – when… pornography was out there, but you either had to go to your local newsagents and look him in the eye as you bought a copy of Asian babes, or, if you wanted something hard-core – to a sex shop. That was a much better system because it put a distance between the consumer and the source; people could strike a balance. If you were at home writing a report or reading a fascinating article on quantum physics and you suddenly felt sexually aroused it was highly unlikely you would have the energy to travel to the town center to get some P.

So, my principal argument against unlimited access to pornography is that it’s human nature – even in the most moral individual – to surrender to animal instinct and quickly type into the search engine big ________ ___ __ each other. And that this can quickly become an addictive, compulsive activity. Which leads us to a second argument against unlimited porn.

This argument states, rather convincingly in my opinion, that the logic of human stimulation means pornography must become ever more intense in order to remain stimulating. Which means that the unnamed gentleman who entered into Google big ____ lesbians spanking each other will, within a matter of months, be entering into Google, 6 toed dwarfs in school uniforms fucking each other with s_____s. And maybe this isn’t so bad, but it inevitably leads those who are into bondage, for example, into genres that center more heavily on exploitation and violence. And even if it doesn’t lead necessarily to violence, if we continue down the path we are going on, P is going to mutate into something so fucked up… it will seriously damage our karma.

Of this, there can be no greater example than the b word. The word that is the title of this podcast. Yes, I said it, the ‘b word.’ It’s a word so foul and disgusting that I’m not even going to say it, but it is a brilliant example of the effect of unlimited P. This, apparently Japanese invention, involves a woman being covered in an extraordinary amount of sperm. Let’s leave it at that. And for anyone familiar with economics who wants to know why the Japanese economy has been in stagnation for so many years…now we know the reason: it’s because they’re inventing shit like that instead of cars and new Sony walkmans.

Anyway, you get my point. P-graphy is one of many examples where, in an uncensored, free-market society, we’ve allowed an industry to exploit freedom: and that for me is the irony. To those who say censorship of porn attacks free speech, I say… unlimited porn attacks freedom, because the positioning of products where people won’t be able to resist them is against the spirit of a free society. Bottom line is: a huge filter needs to be placed on internet porn. We need to stop what happened to me recently, when I entered the word ‘Gandalf’ into Google images and one of the results was an attractive blonde elf sucking a large ****.

The Lord of the Rings will never be the same again.


Cope: poder con. To cope with is your ability to tolerate and manage something. It is often said that women can cope with more pain than men.

Cumming: to cum is a slang term for ‘to have an orgasm.’ It can be used for both men and women,.

Managed to: been able to do or achieve what you wanted. Logrado.

Per se: as such. A term used when you want to say that it’s not so much the thing you’re referring to but something else. For example… “It’s not that Brighton is bad per se just the people from Brighton.”

Red-blooded: an expression used any time you’re talking about the human in a more animal context. For example… “Any normal, red blooded male would wasn’t to sleep with Megan Fox.”

Sex drive: the desire to have sex. For example… alcohol increases the sex drive but lowers performance.

Urban myths: stories that are spread amongst the people – characterised by being completely and utterly false. Leyendas Urbanas.

Just a mouse click away: all you have to do is click the mouse and you’re there. This construction with ‘just a… away…’ is used for proximity.

Wander: to move without thinking or any specific plan. Vagar, pasear.

Undue influence: an influence that is strong and prejudicial.

A good old fashioned hand-shandy: a British English colloquialism for masturbation. Shandy is a foamy (mucha espuma) drink.

Naïve: someone who isn’t knowledgeable about the world. Immature. Ingenuo.

Tough shit: pues mala suerte. Bad luck. That’s your problem not nine.

Give in: surrender. Ceder. To let someone else win or to do what someone else wants.

Victorian: from the reign of queen Victoria. As an adjective this word is often used to refer to traditional and rigid morality.

Strike a balance: find a balance.

Sexually aroused: sexually stimulated.

Surrender: give in. Throw the towel in. Ceder. To let someone else win or to do what someone else wants.

Bottom line is: Let’s stop talking and get to the point. Vamos al grano. What you really wasn’t and are willing to accept por say.

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